Doo Doo Mamas

Doo Doo Mamas...
I've recently just come to the realization that doo doo mamas have no idea that they are doo doo mamas!!! That scares the hell out of me. But think about it... doo doos walk the Earth acting like they're just as sexy and pretty as the next girl. Which is not a good look, cause I believe that if you THINK you're pretty, you can attract a member of the opposite sex. Which is also not a good look!

I've been studying the nature of the doo doo mama. The girl whose behavior I was studying had a boyfriend, a few tattoos and an attitude like someone on perminant PMS. She did have a name, but we'll just call her... ... ...Heather (idk, don't ask).

Heather wore short shorts for the first 3 days of my study, despite the cellulite on her thighs. She wore weeve, of course. There is nothing wrong with weeve in my opinion...unless its colored. Heather's weeve had 3 different colors. The more I watched her for this study, the more I disliked her. But that's just the nature that comes with being around a doo doo mama. Slight hatred from the people around her. The doo doo mama will call you a "hater" for criticizing any way that she dresses or any flaw in her character. That's just because her subconscious is the only thing in her that knows she's a doo doo mama.

Her boyfriend's name was... ... ...Michael (again, don't ask). He was a strapping young fellow, eager to play basketball in college or rap...or something. He wore flannel shirts and skinny jeans and had perfected the dance move currently known as "The Reject". But a reject he was not...or was he? In my opinion, this boy looked like he could get a girl better looking than Heather. But he almost refused. He and I engaged in friendly conversation and he referred to his beloved Heather as "Wifey"...I began to slightly dislike Michael too. But not only because he was an idiot, which he was. I began to slightly hate him simply because he had no ambition. Ambition should start by setting your standards for the opposite sex...and here he was, Michael, in all his retardation, setting the bar extremely low...

Heather opened my eyes to the doo doo mama in other ways, also. Music, for one! Doo doo mamas HATE female artists (and celebrities for that matter). Heather particularly hated Beyonce, former member of the Destiny's Child singing group and wife of Jay-Z...best rapper ever. Michael had grown an large infatuation with Beyonce over the years, and Heather resented Beyonce for it. Before becoming Michael's "Wifey", Heather told me that she loved Beyonce, she listened to her almost religiously and even aspired to sing like her (I made the mistake of letting her sing her favorite Beyonce song for me... ...not a good decision on my part). But as soon as Michael "wifed her up"...(raises eyebrow)...she decided Beyonce was a b*tch. A b*tch! It saddened me to see the angry look in her eyes. I wasn't sad for Beyonce...nor was my sorrow for Heather or Michael. It was self pity...yes, my sorrow was for myself, that I had decided to conduct a study on such a retarded subject.

I made the decision to try and convince Heather that the doo doo mama lifestyle was not a way to live. But she simply said to me as she patted the purple part of her weeve down with her left and and scratched the orange/red part with the other: "I'm not no damn doo doo mama. Ya mama's a doo doo mama N*GGA!...now..." and she chewed loudly on her gum.

In closing... ...I have no idea why I spent a week following a doo doo mama, documenting her life and in the end, trying to persuade her to be a respectable black woman. It was as pointless as trying to prevent Michael Vick from making dogs kill each other two years ago... ...low blow? Sorry.